Bereavement After Suicide

Are you feeling devestated from a loss by suicide?

Do you think no one understands your pain?

Do you feel alone with your grief?

That you have no one to talk to

You are not alone — for every suicide, approximately 44,000 annually in the U.S., there are an average of six (6) "survivors" profoundly impacted by suicide and left to cope with complex feelings and questions. Approximately every 12 minutes someone in the U.S. dies by suicide.

Pertinent Facts

The trauma of losing a loved one to suicide is considered "catastrophic." Suicide affects everyone and can be quite far reaching to mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, spouses, partners, friends and co-workers. It cuts across ethnic, economic, social and age boundaries — every walk of life. Suicide ranks as the second leading cause of death for adolescents and young adults (age 15-24). Among the elderly, the suicide rate is the highest. Men have a higher death rate, but more women attempt more often.

The majority of all individuals who attempt or die by suicide have a diagnosed or possibly an undiagnosed mental disorder, such as schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, OCD, borderline personality disorder or major depression. Other contributing factors are substance abuse, physical illness, financial difficulties, social pressures or pervasive feelings of loss.

Impact on Survivors

Surviving the suicide of someone close to you is one of the most traumatic experiences a person will ever endure. For a time, it seems that the pain is unending. Your life will change from this loss.

Bereavement after suicide can be complicated and compromised by lack of social support perpetuated by denial, stigma and shame that unfortunately still surrounds death by suicide. Additional contributing factors can be the trauma of witnessing the suicide, finding the body, having police present who are possibly making accusations and having to establish a crime scene to determine the cause of death. These traumatic factors can result in delayed grief.

A very serious residual effect to survivors is that they are at a four times greater risk for suicide themselves.

Normal grieving responses may initially be:

• numbness
• shock
• disbelief

Followed by, but not by everyone or in this particular order:

• Guilt — "if only I....." "I should have seen the signs" " why didn't I...."
• Shame — still not openly discussed "what will I tell others?"
• Blame - family members
• Anger — toward the deceased, God, or medical/mental health professionals
• Abandonment — "how will I survive?"
• Anxiety
• Great sadness
• Stigma- "I will be judged by others?" Cultural and societal reactions
• Hurt — "why did he/she do this to me?"
• Searching for "why"

Unfortunately, survivors are likely to suffer more physical illnesses, or emotional problems, as well, there is an 80% divorce rate following the death of a child, if their grief is not addressed and processed with an experienced grief counselor.

Speak with a professional if you:

• feel suicidal
• feel out of control
• have no one to talk with
• turn to alcohol, drugs or other self-destructive behaviors
• withdrawing or isolating

What is the most effective way to help survivors and to begin healing?

As a compassionate specialist in bereavement after suicide, my experience, as well as research, shows that survivors heal best by sharing their feelings and experiences with others.

Reaching out to an experienced grief counselor is an important first step in healing. In fact, often the longest journeys begin with a single step. You don't have to go through this alone.

Over the years of facilitating healing, I have seen and felt the extreme pain that survivors endure upon learning of the death of a loved one. I have listened to some very sad or frightening stories. Have been present during every possible emotion a survivor can experience.

In anticipation of starting with a new survivor, I know that I will hear more horrific stories and see more pain. Yet, I have something that supports my continual involvement and dedication that few of the new survivors know or feel is possible when they are so raw. What I bring to them is hopefulness. I know the painful feelings expressed will be reduced through the passage of time and I can be there to emotionally hold and contain their feelings throughout this process of healing. I can carry the hopefulness for you, until you feel it for yourself.

Along with my support, I provide knowledge and information to help with your questions and "searching for why." To respectfully be there with you while you move through your pain to a new life that will allow you to feel joy, a sense of peace and happiness again.

Suicide is not a shameful event, but a tragic one that deeply affects many people. There is no step-by-step formula or timetable for grieving. Everyone is unique and grieves differently. The only commonality is that grieving does get easier over time.

I feel privileged to contribute to this very important healing process and to be your supportive guide through this most difficult journey. To help you find peace after the tragedy of death.

Let's talk so I can help you determine the grief support that would be best for you and/or your family.

Please contact me with any questions and to set up an appointment to start your healing.

(310) 289-4643

"Go into your grief, for there your soul will grow." -Carl Jung

Helpful Resources

American Association of Suicidology (AAS)
202.237.2280
www.suicidology.org

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
888.333.2377
www.afsp.org

Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services
Los Angeles and surrounding areas
310.390.6612
www.didihirsch.org
"Survivors After Suicide" (SAS) bereavement support groups
310.895.2326


Suicide Prevention Advocacy Network (SPAN)
National: 202.449.3600
www.spanusa.org
California: 760.753.4565
www.span-california.org

Help Lines:

Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services
Suicide Prevention Crisis Line
Los Angeles and Orange Counties:
877-7-CRISIS (877-727.4747)

Lifeline: 24-7 national suicide hotline
800.273.TALK (8255)

Teen Line: Suicide hotline for teens staffed by
trained teens 6-10 p.m.
800.TLC-TEEN

Trevor Helpline: Suicide hotline for gay, lesbian,
bisexual, transgender or questioning youth
800.850.8078

Suicide
800.SUICIDE
800.784.2433
www.suicide.com